Fickle Things - Identity

In class Yesterday, we talked a lot about who we are, and the topic tended to surround that of those who didn't know who they were. I felt, and still do feel that I know who I am, but I haven't always felt that way. I'm sure everyone's gone through that one life changing "Holy shit, what does this make me now?" kind of moment. I didn't mention this in my Who Am I blog because it's not current with who I am, but I figure I'll go ahead and give you a small look into the past.

Middle School is essentially the place where you sink or swim in terms of social interaction. This is where you learn who you really are, or it's where you craft a fake identity just to get through the day. When I started, I was pretty much the same as I am now, more innocent and less crass, but still a video game loving nerd. My clothing reflected this, and boy was that a horrible mistake. It was subtle at first, but there it grew to the point to where people would openly make fun of whatever game I'd be interested in just to get a rise out of me, and by god it worked. The moment when it changed was when a kid 2 years below me asked me how I could still like Mario, because it was for little kids. That made me feel like shit.

For the next 2 years I reshaped my wardrobe, and actually stopped playing games for awhile. I was above them, and they were holding me down or so I thought. My mother had gotten tickets to a concert called Video Games Live at the end of the Middle School year as a celebration for getting through 8th grade. I indulged her and went, and had the best time of my life. It rekindled the passion. Also the people that were there were all older than I was. The one moment I'll never forget is when they started to play the Mario Medley on stage, and everyone got out of their seats to cheer. Who the hell was I to think I was too old for Mario? No one is too old for Mario. When we returned from the concert I went to my room and dug out my old video game clothes as well as all my collectibles. I began displaying them everywhere once again, this time with pride and with knowledge that there was no way I would be taking these down until I moved out.

When High School started, I was back to the way I am now. The only real thing that changed for me during those 4 years was dating, and that's a topic for another post. All I can say is Lebanon girls are all crazy, and will tear your head off if you're not super religious.

How can this help me with creativity? Well I believe that our creativity can stem from who we are, but we need to know who we are in order to truly be creative. I know who I am and I'm proud of it, but it wasn't always that way. Finding out isn't easy, and I suppose that's the central message.